Monday, November 15, 2010

Lunch Break Clarity

Today at lunch I had a glimpse of where my life's choices have lead & the person I'll never get the chance to be.

Let me back up... lunch time doesn't always yield such contemplation... I just wanted to pick up a cupcake for my "Secret Pal"s birthday. You've played the secret pal game at work or summer camp or something before, right? Names are exchanged & you buy this person nice little things to brighten their day without telling them who it's from. For the record, my Secret Pal is a deadbeat. I'm a WAY better Pal than mine is... nobody chews Bubbelicious past the age of 13. But that's not the point. I needed a cupcake.

So I headed down to Dozen (for you non-Pittsburghers it's the super cute & way hipster cupcake bakery local chain) & figured I'd stay for lunch while I was already out. It was a LOVELY lunch break. Me & a "thanksgiving sandwich", reading my book with a chocolate/coconut cupcake of my own, bunches of thistles & grass as centerpieces... just adorable. And I was feeling very cool. Cool enough to snap a picture & brag about my little lunch date with myself.

There was a group of girls next to me, 3 of them, & they were the most adorable group I think I've ever seen. Every one of them had something pierced on their face, wore at least one cozy item like a knit hat or scarf, and NOT ONE OF THEM wore ANY makeup. I was in total awe of them. So much so that I actually considered snapping a picture on the sly... luckily my camera batteries died & took away that option, it was a bad idea anyway. Who were these girls who can afford the trendy lunch spots yet seemingly have Monday afternoons free for girl-talk & nose-piercing?

They are the people I'll never be... not because I don't have the ability, but because I'm living in the life choices I've already made. I can't make ends meet as a freelance photographer or selling 4 etsy items a month... I went to college & have loans to pay, I needed a car to work then had to work to pay my car, I'm a professional & can't pierce just anything I like. It's silly that it's taken me 26 year to realize the difference between "you can be anything" & hoping to be EVERYthing.

I'll never get to be the girl with cotton candy pink hair. Maybe not even a girl with a monroe like I've always always wanted. But I think it's OK to realize these things & take a minute to almost mourn them. To be ok with the fact that I'm just not them. But then again, those girls won't be everything either. Maybe they live with millions of roommates & need girls lunches just to escape? Maybe they have 7 rabbits & can never leave them to go on trips? Maybe they've never had a Secret Pal in their WHOLE LIFE, wouldn't that be a shame?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Delete Comment From: Heya, Sparky!
    Samantha said...
    I was having one of those moments a few days ago myself. A younger girl with loads of pipe dreams has entered into my life. All she talks about is opening a store and selling all this cool stuff, the exact dream I've had for myself. I realize that probably won't happen for me cuz of the choices I've made in life, and it makes me kinda jealous to know if she really wants to do that, she will. Oh well...I can't be everything I've dreamt of being. At least I'm content with who I am and where my life is. That's something right?

  3. I have been having those moments a lot lately. I have been mourning what could have been. I think a lot of what going on with me is that I have been sick for like a month straight and just down in the dumps.

  4. Sometimes it's good to think about what could have been, but didn't... Some people hang out there for too long though and begin to feel depressed with their life. It's hard to find that balance between settling with your current situation and saying... "well, what if...?"

  5. I need more time to contemplate on this post - but the only thing I have to say is....CHOCOLATE COCONUT!!! I NEED ONE OF THOSE!


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